Wishes
by miss-motormouth
Summary: Anya wishes things were different.


Title: Wishes  
  
Author: Emily  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Category: Anya/Spike  
  
Summary: Anya wishes things were different.  
  
Spoilers/Timeline: Spoilers for 'Entropy'. Set just after.  
  
Distribution: Too Hot, Someone who Understands if Ani wants it. Anywhere else just ask.  
  
Disclaimer: You think if they were mine I'd waste time writing not so great fic about them?  
  
Feedback: My first every Spankya fic (although it's not entirely so. More so than S/B or X/A though). I figured since I had the site and all I should write a fic. Bear with me if it's no good. I'll try and improve upon it in my next attempt. Maybe that one will be longer too because this is just too short. Feedback would be sweet, be gentle with me please ;) pipergal33@yahoo.co.uk  
  
**~**~~Wishes~~**~**  
  
She wished he loved her. Not because she was in love with him or anything insanely ridiculous like that. But if Spike loved her, if what had just happened between them hadn't just been an exchange of bodily fluids between two drunk and romantically shattered ex creatures of the night, well that would mean she could love him too.  
  
She would love him and she wouldn't be in love with Xander - who really was a bastard for leaving her on her *wedding* day. Talk about a bad day to ditch a girl. No, Anya would be over Xander. So over him that she wouldn't even think of him. Not ever. She wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night and feel cold. She wouldn't cry.  
  
Spike wouldn't love Buffy either. This obsession wouldn't keep him up at night. He wouldn't get his heart broken a hundred thousand more times by her and still not realise that she would never love him. No, Spike would be over Buffy. Wouldn't even think of her. Wouldn't need to get drunk with her ex vengeance demon friends to find some kind of solace.  
  
Maybe they would go away from Sunnydale. Or maybe they would stay there in his crypt or something. Anya had stayed in a few crypts in her time, they weren't bad. Cold at night, but not cold if you had someone there with you - and they'd have sex all the time of course.  
  
Spike, oh did he know what to do with a girl. So good with his hands. And those cheekbones, that ass, that teasing smile... obviously the sex would be good. As good as tonight and better. Better than Xander. Never mind Xander's sweetness or the way he used to cup her face and kiss her. It would be better with Spike. He probably wouldn't mind her talking about it in public either. Wouldn't always tell her off for not acting human enough.  
  
They wouldn't have a wedding. He was a vampire and all. No wedding, no walking the hell away. Anya felt a little ripple of pain as she remembered. There would be no ripples of pain with Spike she thought. It wouldn't hurt like this. Oh she hated the way this hurt. It was probably this way with Spike and Buffy too. Xander hadn't seemed to want to hear her stories of evisceration and punishment when they were together. He didn't seem to understand that they were *nothing* compared to this feeling. What could be worse than this? These men, complaining about the pain inflicted upon them from Anyanka made her roll her eyes. If they'd been left at the altar, or cheated on, or had their heart ripped to shreds by some callous female, they wouldn't be complaining. Maybe they'd even welcome the pain.  
  
Anya tried to shake away her thoughts of Xander. She would go away with Spike. Forget the crypt and Sunnydale. There was too much there that hurt. Paris or London or Rome. Or maybe places she'd never been before. New places with sun that beat down on their backs or where it snowed all year and she would have to wear a fur coat to stay warm. And have sex.  
  
Anya sighed a deep sigh and the pictures floated away from her. Wishes couldn't mend broken hearts. All they did was dull the pain a little and she'd been so good at that for the last eleven hundred years. Dulling the pain until it was just a faint bruise. And yet wishes didn't seem to work here and now, not for her. It wasn't fair, she thought, a little bitter. Anya knew that wishes that couldn't come true were pointless but Anya wished that wish all the same. It *was* pointless but she was human now and wasn't humanity pointless anyway?  
  
She knew that Spike didn't love her and she didn't love him. However much she secretly cherished the idea and longed for it, it wasn't real. She would still wake up in the middle of the night and feel cold. He would still get his heart broken a hundred thousand more times by Buffy and never realise that she couldn't love him.  
  
Anya stood up in the Magic Shop, clothes tugged into place and hair smoothed down and her eyes met Spike's briefly as she followed him towards the door. Oh she wished that he loved her. A pointless wish that would never be but she still wished it. Because Anya knew that sometimes wishes came true -after all she'd made a few thousand come true in her time. Who knew, maybe the demon that watched over the sad, lonely, drunk and broken hearted was there and maybe that demon heard her. Anya smiled a small smile at her own optimism and silently wished it again as she left the Magic shop.  
  
End. 


End file.
